home

this piece is 3 yrs old

The lightning crashed in front of me as I was listening to music that took me home
Home,
The one place I would go if I knew where to find it,
But now I realize I will only ever find home, in my own mind
That home lies in me and comfort must be sought within,
That home isn’t where the heart is, or where you res your rump,
Home is that feeling from that song,
That feeling that comes from a match lighting a Marlboro and the summer of 16,
or that first time it dawned on you, that it will get better,
It just may never be ok.
That’s where home lies,
You know, the stuff Disney never taught you.
Home won’t find you lost or aching to belong,
Because home is you,
And my home has been lost upon me for far too long,
See, I’m just one person, fighting like everyone else,
And losing to myself,
And what will my daughter say,
when I pass on what I’ve learned
as my mother tried to and her mother before;
Will she be ungrateful like me,
or will she see beyond the mistakes
and take guidance and her own mind
to discover her strength and make her own path?
I’ve seen abuse from my father,
a boyfriend,
Myself.
I’ve seen what growing up too fast can do,
I’ve seen rape, the quick fix, easy answers, the “truth”
I’ve heard that time heals all wounds,
but learned this fast paced world won’t allow for that.
See, patience is key,
and observance sometimes leads to understanding,
listening is more important that waiting for your turn to speak, and there is a difference.
There will never be an excuse for intolerance
These are the lessons I want her to learn,
These are the truths that I want for her,
But when it all comes down,
Will it matter where I’ve been, what I know?
Or is she going to have to do this on her own
and find home,
alone?

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